the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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