My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
