my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
