He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize