where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
