Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
