And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my phone needs a breathalizer
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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