i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
