oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
