Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
