If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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