i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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