I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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