I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
