It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
