Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
