hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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