We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
