And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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