I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
