I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize