I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize