My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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