if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
