butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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