I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize