You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
