I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize