last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
