Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
