did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
