If that was your dad, he is hot
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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