i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize