If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
