Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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