your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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