Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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