Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize