There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
