Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
