New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What drink are we having for lunch?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize