WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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