i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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