if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
