I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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