i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
