I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize