I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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