Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
