For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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