so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
