I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
