you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize