I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
