remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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