Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
