'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
