So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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