Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
