Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
