yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
