life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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