Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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