We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
