Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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