I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
