I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
