I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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