is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
