you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize