I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
