Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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