just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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