your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
